Irr3gular, 69

My name's Bo and I grew up a poor black child. I'm a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and kicking ass. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees and I manage time efficiently. ~~~~~~~~~~~ I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Hashish Brownies in twenty minutes. I'm an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ I have two birthdays and I've been the subject of numerous documentaries. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I fish with my bare hands. I was born with an ohm chromosome and I can sing in four octaves. I'm an envy of Kings and the secret of Queens. I'm an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie and I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I was caller number nine and I won the weekend passes. Children trust me. ~~~~~~~~~~~ I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I've performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week, when I do sleep, I sleep in a cane chair. I am a DDS, I have a PHD, I'm a Rhodes Scholar and I make my own pasta. I won a costume contest and wasn't dressed in costume. I have full medical and dental coverage. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but didn't bother writing it down.